The story of a relationship
This post comes with a warning. It is rather personal, and it contains poetry. If that is not your thing, come back tomorrow, when we will have something crafty again :-).
These last couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about where I am coming from and where I want to go.
What has become very clear to me is that I have to tell the truth.
To myself, and to the world.
Not because I am special, but because I am unique, just like you are, just like we all are.
If I do not express this uniqueness, it has been wasted on me.
When i was six years old, i knew that I wanted to be a writer. When I was 26, my first book was published.
When I was 30 I moved to Africa and lost my language. My man is a journalist, and here, he is the writer.
He is the one playing with words.
English felt clumsy and unfamiliar, and because I constantly sparred with a new language, my old one didn’t sing for me anymore.
Only occasionally, in the grip of strong emotions, I still wrote poetry.
I don’t know if these poems are good or not, but I know that focusing your words, distilling them down until you have what you think is the essence, has such healing properties.
Recently, in my mind, I have started to link words again.
Here is the story of a relationship, in three poems:
1.
angel of the morning
bringer of dawn
soft touch of a memory
so gently drawn
from a heart that is waiting
from a soul that still knows
from a body in shivers
remembering vows
where were you my darling
while I was searching
what did you do
on those mornings long gone?
help me recall
and I help you recover
help me believe
and I help you to be
what we had
what we lost
what we found
what we treasure
all of it, angel
for the morning to see
2.
the only way out is in
the only way through is through
i wait and I beg and i shout
where did you go?
where have you been?
who are you
within?
sit with it and burn
sit with it and breathe
and then feel underneath…
breathe some more
become quite still
surrender control
surrender your will
let it come
you
life
me
just be
through the fire
through the pain
through the anger
through the blame
feels so good, feels so serene
resting within
then it all comes crushing down
purgatory
fury
and so sad
why why why?
set me free
no shortcuts in this game
sit and breathe and be true
the only way out is in
the only way through is through
3.
something comes along and opens you up
right down the middle
and who you thought you are spills out
the river swells
and the storm howls the dust of your soul
you know that you don’t know
and all you cling to crumbles
let your lovers love themselves
this is your calling
forced to be present
any other place unbearable
this is your gift
let life empty you
break you open
until you are
filled with light
Hugs to you,
