WEEK 5 - Day 33
ON doing things that are bad for you
I am bringing you today’s lesson in the spirit of always honouring the message, and going with what I’m told to do by my soul.
Why this disclaimer?
Because what I’ll tell you today seems to partly contradict what we spoke about on Day 29.
And yet it really doesn’t.
There are always different truths available for different situations, different times, different people.
What is SO important is for you to know what is right for you NOW.
This can of course be quite a tricky thing. I often catch myself being very tempted to go with a choice I know is not in my highest interest. And yet it would be easier and more convenient in the moment.
I guess you’ve done that too.
And yet, deep inside, we always KNOW what the truth is.
So, this said, let’s get on with it:
Today, we will talk about so called bad habits.
This could be eating too much unhealthy stuff.
It could be drinking too much.
It could be not doing the work you know you’re called to do.
It could be that you routinely fight with your partner instead of being loving.
It could be that you forbid your kids something, and then give in because they whine and complain and go on and on and on.
It could also be more serious stuff like shooting heroin, or stealing, or not going to the doctor despite the big lump you feel in your breast.
With any of those things, our first reaction is probably to label them as bad. As something to be avoided. As something that’s not good for us.
While this makes sense on a logical level, it does build up a lot of pressure.
It produces guilt and shame, and might get you to tell lies and hide what you’re doing from others, and even from yourself (I know that sounds impossible, but I also know that you know that we can actually do this).
Instead of going into judgment mode, How about if we took a different approach?
Remember on Day 17, when I asked you to write down what you stand on, what your core beliefs are?
One of mine is that I always make the right decision.
If I truly believe this, I can’t make what I do wrong, no matter what it is.
Instead, I trust myself.
And I trust that ultimately, there are no wrong choices.
Seeing it this way takes the charge out of the situation. I might still not understand why I sabotage myself and do stuff that I know is not good for me, but I now feel more relaxed about it.
I trust that there must be some benefit in it for me.
And once I’m there, I can ask myself:
How is this serving me?
In what way is this actually a good thing?
What you will probably find when you do the same, is that the ‘bad behaviour’ gives you a specific feeling:
Of comfort and being taken care of (in the example of eating unhealthy stuff).
Of forgetting your troubles (in the example of drinking too much).
Of avoiding to be rejected for what truly matters to you (in the work example).
Of keeping yourself safe by not being vulnerable and open (in the fight with the partner example).
And of peace (in the example of giving in to your kids).
Once you’ve found the benefit, you can now look for other ways to get the same feeling. And then give that to yourself!
This is best done on a daily basis, to ‘fill up your reservoir’ and show yourself that you’ve got your back.
For example, what else would make you feel taken care of apart from comfort eating?
Having your finances in order?
Having a friend you can call when you feel down?
Taking a hot bath and then snuggling up with a good book and a matcha latte?
Find out for yourself what would help you, and then do it!
And should you catch yourself again in some sabotaging behaviour, repeat the process:
Decide that this must somehow be for you, since this is what is ALWAYS true for you (insert your own core beliefs here).
Be curious what the benefit is.
Find other ways to get the same benefit.
Give those to yourself, generously and joyously!
What are things you do that you know are ‘bad’ for you?
What are things you do that are not aligned with the person you want to be?
What’s the pay off you get from these?
How can you give that to yourself in another way?
Use the weekend to catch up on the material from this week