Embracing your Calling

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You came here, why?


You used to know exactly why when you were small.

Which big dreams did you hold? What was normal back then? What did you know you would do and become and just BE?

Before it got trained out of you by people who had forgotten their own mission. Who wanted the best for you, in the way they thought the best had to come. Who wanted you save, and relatable. 

Who didn’t want you sticking your head out too much, being too different, being too odd…

It is uncomfortable going places with an odd child. One who is confident, knows who she is, is vocal about it. Children are so good anyway at telling it like it is. Add to that some determination and cockiness and you’ve got a lot of embarassing situations in your future as a parent. 

Plus, you ARE small and you don’t know that cars can run over you and the stove is hot and the knife is sharp and you might drown in the ocean. So parents are careful, for you, about you.

All of this leads to you becoming careful yourself.

Being complacent. Dialing it down. Dialing it down some more. Dialing it down so far that you can’t hear yourself anymore, and that you instead join the same circles everybody else wanders around in. 

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What’s my purpose?

What’s the point?


Some of us always know that this is not how life’s supposed to be. And yet they can’t access the ‘Other’ hidden somewhere within. 

And still you’re drawn by your purpose, like a moth to a flame.

You don’t really want to go. Your conditioning is strong, and you’re afraid that, just like the moth, you’ll burn. 


So you go one step forward and two steps back. You make excuses. You listen to your fear. You say you don’t know what you want, why you came. 


And yet it keeps calling you….


And then, one day, it finds a way in. You allowed yourself to connect. Maybe through sitting in silence. Maybe through a deep, honest conversation. Maybe through journaling without censoring. 

In any case, you’ve had a glimpse. It flowed. It felt so good. It exploded out of you, you had the right words, you knew it made sense, you knew there was something so connected, so familiar, so alive about all of this. 

And you wanted more!


But there was still so much split energy. Yes, this was amazing and powerful and totally cool, but you have to do REAL LIFE too! Real life is a struggle. Real life isn’t all fun and roses. Real life is haaaaaaard….

For a while, you oscillate. The pressure builds with that. Real life feels more and more uncomfortable. Exhausting. Plain old wrong. You are constantly torn.


Now you’ve got a choice: 

You can drop the dream, the connectedness, the flow

Or you embrace it and allow for all you’ve been taught to be wrong. 


This isn’t an easy decision. There is safety in the familiar. There is value in it too. Being like everybody else means you fit in. You are relateable. You are one of ‘them’.


The new, while exciting, is also scary. There are not that many examples of people who live from flow. It takes total trust in who you are. Total trust that you are made perfectly for what you came here to explore, to contribute, to give. 

And then being this YOU fully, beYOUtifully!

No pretense. 

No lies.

No excuses.

No fitting in.


This is a tough order. Especially when you’ve been here before. Especially when you’ve been different before. 

Being burned at the stake. Being driven out of town. Being fed to the lions. Being hanged and laughed at and shuned and thrown out of the tribe….

This stuff is deeply embedded in your cellular memory. Your cells want to live. Your body wants to live. 


But your soul wants to live too. 



You came here with a Calling.

With something that you are meant to bring through.

To share.

To contribute.

To shine in.

To inspire through.

To liberate with.


This Calling, if it is strong, has a powerful, powerful energy.

It won’t allow you to forget, to go into conformity and oblivion. 


It wants out.

It wants to live.

And fulfill itself through you.


All you ever wanted in your life will come to you through what you’re meant to do. 

Basically, it comes to you through you being who you are. 

Expressing it.

Letting it the fuck out!


Once you know you HAVE a mission,

You’ve gotta EMBRACE it

And then you ACE it!


The transformation you know you’re here to inspire

The lifestyle you want to live

The impact

The money you want


All of this comes with you finally expressing Who You Truly Are!


Once you’ve practised connecting, letting it flow, it becomes scarily easy. 


For example, I haven’t stopped once while writing this text. Sat down, put my fingers on the keyboard, connected, and let it out. No thinking required. No hard work needed. 

30 minutes later here we are. I haven’t read through it but I know that it feels RIGHT. Connected. Aligned. In Flow. 

It is just a natural extension of who I am, flowing through me out onto the page. 

It feels good.

And it feels easy to do.


This used to scare me into dismissing what I wrote. 

I have pages and pages and pages of flow writing I never published, never looked at again. 


Just recently I read through some stuff I have written over a ‘I’m just going to do this now every morning’ period, when the push of my Calling got too strong to ignore. It is great stuff!

It truly flows. 

It’s deep.

It’s even occasionally funny.

It has it’s on rhythm.

In short, I love it!


What’s your thing that comes so easily when you are connected to soul?

Do you make beautiful music? Do you paint? Do you write? Are you a dancer? Do you cook the most delicious meals out of whatever is in your fridge?


I fully believe we all have our thing. What it takes to bring it out is for you to be yourself. To trust that who you are, what you were given, what you have access to, is enough, is valuable, is right, is perfect, is why you came!

Do you believe that?


Can you allow it to come out?

Can you allow it to be easy to be you, to do you?


This is were the true richness and sweetness of life is found. The absolute RIGHTness. The Why-you-came-ness. The gift you have to give. 


Don’t let it go to waste darling.

Breathe, connect, and let it through. 


Yes, it will be clunky in the beginning. Like everything else, accessing your gifts and becoming a channel gets easier with practice. 


Commit to who you are!

Connect with it.

Allow it to flow through you, every single day. 


And feel the incredible sweetness of being who you truly are!

Would you die for the things you do?

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Yes, I know, this sounds rather melodramatic.


But it’s something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

You only have so much time in this body, in this lifetime. 

What you are doing with it?


You are using your life force, every day. 

Exchanging it for …What?


Something that is really important to you?

Something you totally believe in?

Or something you couldn’t care less about? That gives you a pay check but no satisfaction?


Yes, we all need money. 

And I’m not saying quit your job. (Although if you really hate it, then yes, definitely quit your job!). 

But you can still do what you do in a way that matters. 

A way that allows you to BE who you are, to DO YOU.


Not the robotic, hidden, can’t-be-assed, ‘let me just do my time’ version that’s sleepwalking through life. 

But the REAL you. The one who knows what matters, and who expresses that.

The one who lets her/himself be seen!


You can do any kind of job and bring what is important to you into it. Your authenticity, your compassion, your ability to listen, your leadership skills, your courage, your openness....


I’m of course going on about this because it’s something that I need to hear.

I am always so much more at peace behind something. Behind my camera. Behind my computer. Behind my role as a healer/coach. 

And it’s cool in most of these situations to not bare my soul, at least not in an ‘let me tell you all about me’ way. 

It’s not about me. 

I am there to be a channel, a catalyst, a translator. To let what wants to come through come through without getting in the way. 

This is real and raw and totally in alignment.


But I can see more and more that I don’t do the same in other areas. My writing is often geared towards what I think will ‘do the job’. My social media posts are boring and blah. 

My conversations are often guarded. I don’t openly share who I am unless the other person doesn’t allow me to stay on the surface.

And this has started to gnaw on me. 


One of the main things I stand for is the absolute importance to BE WHO YOU ARE! 

This is why you came to this planet! This is, in a way, the only thing you’ll ever have to do. 

This is the gift you have for the world, and the Universe, and All-That-Is.


And this is what I am so often hiding. 

Would I die for this persona I have invented? This polite, interested, friendly little thing?

I want to shake her awake! 

Who I am is about to burst the neatly sewn stitches of my suit of pretence….


The reason I am vomiting this onto the page is that I believe something in this speaks to you too.

Where are you in hiding?

Who are you, deep down? 

Whom are you protecting so cunningly, and is it really still necessary to do so?


I know that I am a leader and a teacher. And this (in my head) looks a lot more refined than this jumble. 


But birth is seldom refined. And I feel like I want to be born now. 

The witch wants out!


How about you? Whom are you hiding within? Who is ready to be birthed from you?

Are you willing to go there?

If yes, a great (and dangerous!) way is to journal. Write down: Who am i really?

And stop fucking censoring yourself!!!!


It will probably take some time to cut through all the layers, through all the masks, through all the personas you’ve put on and around yourself. 


Keep doing it and the forgotten parts within will get a glimpse of light. 

And then another one.

And then they will begin to stir. 


And then they will AWAKEN!


And who you truly are will burst forth in all it’s beauty, messiness and power!



Living in integrity

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To powerfully create the reality you prefer, you need to be in integrity. Meaning you need to act in accordance with who you want to be.

We all have our default mechanisms to deal with stress and uncertainty. Quite often these are learned behaviours we adopted when we didn’t know better, and not something that is in alignment or in integrity with who we truly are.

As with everything, awareness is the first step to change.

More in the video:

 
 

A good way to realise where in your life you are out of integrity is to journal.

Write down:

Being in integrity would be….

and then let it flow.


Look at all the areas that are important in your life, for example:

Your work

Your health

Your money

Your relationship

Your friendships

What you do for fun

and so on.

Be honest, don’t judge what you write, and instead allow it to show to you where you are out of integrity.

Know that changing these things is the quickest way to stop feeling stuck, frustrated or helpless.

I know it isn’t always easy to do, but it is so worth it!

Lots of love

 
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Embracing Creativity

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Last week things were very busy. Visitors, lots of school stuff to sort out, and the most gorgeous sunshine which meant that my dog constantly wanted to be outside. 

Which is just a long-winded way of saying that I didn’t write a review post for the third week of the challenge.

 

So, what has been happening since my last post?

 

Not that much on a surface-level, manifested, in-your-face kind of way. 

BUT there are undercurrents. It feels like tectonic plates, slowly shifting. I know I’ve set stuff in motion, and it will speed up and disrupt the old and create a new world in my own personal Universe.

And that feels very exciting!

 

I also get a lot of little insights I maybe have always gotten, but am now paying more attention to. 

For example, I realised how I need projects. Creating things, building something, shaping my world…

In Namibia, this was so much easier to do. I had a huge playground, and I used it. Getting chickens, creating a veggie garden, renovating the house, changing colours on the inside and the outside, running workshops and meetings and yoga sessions, writing a blog for which I had to come up with regular DIY projects, going camping or on a road trip, crafting and baking and many many other things.

Here in Berlin we live in a small apartment. There isn’t that much scope for re-decorating (although, since last week, I have a moss green wall which looks very cool!). There is also no space to garden, or do meal prep (no freezer), or to have lots of animals. 

And yet, the urge to create is still there. 

 

With that, I suddenly understood why I keep on changing my website.

Re-writing, looking for different pics, changing the fonts and the colours, doing new graphics. It’s my (new, restricted) way of re-creating my environment!

This might not look like much to you, but for me it was a great ‘aha’, especially since I have been judging myself very harshly for this particular habit. 

And now I realise that I am not fickle and indecisive, I am just creative :).

 

Which feels much better! Since having had this realisation, I also allowed myself more ‘senseless’ (meaning non-income-producing little things, like experimenting with photography, and looking for (and finding) a pillow in the perfect mustard shade. 

This brings with it a nice feeling of lightness and expansion.

 

I do believe that as humans, the process of creating, of bringing something into existence, is were the actual excitement lies. The uncertainty, the birth of something new, the movement and the dreams and visions are what draws us. 

Once a project is finished, it’s kind of dead. Old news. 

 

What are your favourite ways to get creative?

A friend of mine loves to cook, creating something that tastes great out of the forgotten stuff in the fridge. Another one learned how to transfer photos onto different surfaces, and is currently playing with this. 

Eva gets creative with her clothes, cutting parts off, adding parts on, wearing things differently than they are ‘supposed’ to be worn. 

 

What’s your thing? And are you allowing yourself to indulge in it?

If not, why not use this week to get back in touch with what wants to come through you?

Maybe you know exactly what you are called to do (start writing that book, sew a new dress, plant some spring flowers?). 

No idea? Then take yourself on an artist's date! The term comes from Julia Cameron's book 'The Artist's Way'. It basically means that you go on a fun play date by yourself. Visit a craft shop, or a museum, do some land art, find a new nail polish color or take up ice skating again.

 

Anything that sounds like fun and that you might judge as slightly frivolous.

 

Lots of love

 
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Taking a real decision

 In our hotel room in Hamburg. Since traveling a lot more is part of the challenge, we got started right away :).

 

A week has passed since I started the 100 Day Challenge to more joy, more income and creative success. 

It’s been nothing like I expected. 

On the day after deciding to do this, I got sick. For the first time in 23 years.

 

1995 I was sitting at the pier in Lüderitz, waiting to be picked up by a helicopter that was to fly me to a diamond ship run by De Beers. I had the flu, and instead of excitement about the adventure ahead I just wanted to go back to bed. This annoyed me so much that I decided there and then to never get the flu again. 

And it worked, until last week….

 

While this might seem coincidental to some, to me it’s certainly not. I think I got the flu now to remind me of the attitude required to create real change. 

 

True change needs a very clear decision. A no-matter-what attitude.

No back doors, no maybe’s. Like Captain Hernán Cortés. In 1519 he and his men landed in Veracruz to begin their conquest. Once they had arrived, he ordered to destroy their ships.

Which meant that if they didn't win they would die. Retreat was no longer possible. 

 

My decision to do the 100 Day Challenge had nothing of that fervour.

On the surface, this also seems unnecessary. But I do know that some of the beliefs I carry need exactly this clear cut dedication if I ever want to change them.

And something is stopping me from going there. It feels like it would mean to surrender my identity...

 

I kept writing a lot more after this that I haven't included in this post. It's rambling and personal, and it took a while to get out. Which is also why the review comes a day later than planned. But it did help me to unravel a whole lot of old beliefs. 

 

As a result of doing this, I can say now say with clarity and certainty that by May 10th, I will have reached the goals I set for myself.

It feels like i arrived at the crossroads and I finally chose freedom!

 

I will keep you posted on what happens from here onwards.

I know that it will be fast, and it will be interesting. Once a true decision has been made, the Universe moves with speed :). 

I can't wait!

 

Lots of love

 
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