A year ago, my man and I split up, after 17 rocky and beautiful and challenging years.
In an attempt to not feel sorry for myself, read trashy novels and eat lots of chocolate (as I like to do), I went on a health trip. No sugar, white flour and alcohol. Instead lots of yoga and sitting on the couch letting things come up.
It wasn’t pleasant, but I had these moments of feeling intensely alive. Like after blowing up the prison. Scarily open and free. No more excuses. Up to me where to go to now…
I went into creating an online business, and a dream.
It was a dream of total freedom. Financially, emotionally, mentally, and the freedom from having to live in a specific place. I started down that road by investing quite a bit of money in myself. It was pretty scary, but also brought an exhilarating feeling of 'hell, yeah!'
Feeling intensely alive. Also feeling like I do have plenty of good stuff to offer, beyond one-on-one healing sessions.
I worked with a coach and did workshops and courses. I learned how to build websites and do teleseminarsand set up paypal and ask for Joint Ventures.
And I wrote and sold a 5 week long online workshop. It was so cool, and it started me on the path to having a location independent business.
I fell into and out of love in the course of a few weeks, a real whirlwind affair that left me slightly breathless and with lots of new poems.
I did occasionally feel sorry for myself. I also occasionally read (and enjoyed!) trashy novels.
I started taking Sundays off.
And my daughter and I went to Paris (twice). The second time we went (beginning of December), I stopped being healthy and ate plenty of pain au chocolat instead :-).
Today, I withdrew a bit from the family, and looked at the last year. What happened, what I learned, what I am grateful for.
The questions I used to do that come from Leonie Dawsons' beautiful Life and Biz Workbooks. It is a good way to bring closure to the passing year.
The first of January 2014 will start with a new moon. This is a rare occasion, and a great opportunity for new beginnings.
Time to be thankful and let go!
Lessons learned in 2013:
- It is up to me and me alone to decide what I want, communicate it and make it happen. No point and no need to wait for permission or acceptance. I have to be the one who is clear.
- It is also up to me to make the lifestyle I desire happen. If I want money, I have to earn it. It is my right to earn money, to be successful, to have my own business that I love. There is no need to play small so others feel comfortable around me.
- I have a right to be supported in who I am and what I am here to do by those closest to me. If they don’t want to do that, they have no place in my inner circle.
- I am a strong, courageous, beautiful and responsible woman. I have a greater purpose. i can be of value and service to many people.
- I do not settle anymore!
- I can go through difficult times without going into self-pity. It is my first responsibility to look after myself well.
Dreams that came true:
- I now have my own online business. I have created an online workshop, and I am well on my way to earning money independently from a specific location.
- Eva and I stood on the Eiffel Tower!
- I have signed up for the Academy.
- I feel good about myself.
I know myself now more because:
- I went through tough times without ‘looking away’.
- I finally got my head out of the sand.
- I gave up on needing to be loved by somebody who can’t.
I was transformed this year by:
- The end of a 17-year long relationship.
- Sitting with and looking at who I am, what I feel, and what I am going to do.
I am proud of myself for:
- Looking well after Eva.
- Looking well after myself.
- Releasing patterns that I had dragged around for many years.
- Knowing who I am and where I am going.
- Re-discovering joy.
- Realizing that it is up to me to make my dream happen!
- No more settling.
Thank you 2013!
You taught me in real practical terms that it is up to me how much beauty and joy I let into my life.
A year of finding strength, independence and clarity!
What did you experience in 2013?
Much love and a beautiful Sunday!