2013

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A year ago, my man and I split up, after 17 rocky and beautiful and challenging years.

 

In an attempt to not feel sorry for myself, read trashy novels and eat lots of chocolate (as I like to do), I went on a health trip. No sugar, white flour and alcohol. Instead lots of yoga and sitting on the couch letting things come up.

It wasn’t pleasant, but I had these moments of feeling intensely alive. Like after blowing up the prison. Scarily open and free. No more excuses. Up to me where to go to now…

 

I went into creating an online business, and a dream.

 

It was a dream of total freedom. Financially, emotionally, mentally, and the freedom from having to live in a specific place. I started down that road by investing quite a bit of money in myself. It was pretty scary, but also brought an exhilarating feeling of 'hell, yeah!'

Feeling intensely alive. Also feeling like I do have plenty of good stuff to offer, beyond one-on-one healing sessions.

I worked with a coach and did workshops and courses. I learned how to build websites and do teleseminarsand set up paypal and ask for Joint Ventures.

And I wrote and sold a 5 week long online workshop. It was so cool, and it started me on the path to having a location independent business.

 

I fell into and out of love in the course of a few weeks, a real whirlwind affair that left me slightly breathless and with lots of new poems.

I did occasionally feel sorry for myself. I also occasionally read (and enjoyed!) trashy novels.

I started taking Sundays off.

 

And my daughter and I went to Paris (twice). The second time we went (beginning of December), I stopped being healthy and ate plenty of pain au chocolat instead :-).

 

Today, I withdrew a bit from the family, and looked at the last year. What happened, what I learned, what I am grateful for.

 

The questions I used to do that come from Leonie Dawsons' beautiful Life and Biz Workbooks. It is a good way to bring closure to the passing year.

The first of January 2014 will start with a new moon. This is a rare occasion, and a great opportunity for new beginnings.

Time to be thankful and let go!

 

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Lessons learned in 2013:

 

  • It is up to me and me alone to decide what I want, communicate it and make it happen. No point and no need to wait for permission or acceptance. I have to be the one who is clear.
  • It is also up to me to make the lifestyle I desire happen. If I want money, I have to earn it. It is my right to earn money, to be successful, to have my own business that I love. There is no need to play small so others feel comfortable around me.
  • I have a right to be supported in who I am and what I am here to do by those closest to me. If they don’t want to do that, they have no place in my inner circle.
  • I am a strong, courageous, beautiful and responsible woman. I have a greater purpose. i can be of value and service to many people.
  • I do not settle anymore!
  • I can go through difficult times without going into self-pity. It is my first responsibility to look after myself well.

 

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Dreams that came true:

 

  • I now have my own online business. I have created an online workshop, and I am well on my way to earning money independently from a specific location.
  • Eva and I stood on the Eiffel Tower!
  • I have signed up for the Academy.
  • I feel good about myself.

 

I know myself now more because:

 

  • I went through tough times without ‘looking away’.
  • I finally got my head out of the sand.
  • I gave up on needing to be loved by somebody who can’t.

 

I was transformed this year by:

 

  • The end of a 17-year long relationship.
  • Sitting with and looking at who I am, what I feel, and what I am going to do.
  • Walking.

 

I am proud of myself for:        

 

  • Looking well after Eva.
  • Looking well after myself.
  • Releasing patterns that I had dragged around for many years.
  • Knowing who I am and where I am going.
  • Re-discovering joy.
  • Realizing that it is up to me to make my dream happen!
  • No more settling.

 

 

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Thank you 2013!

 

You taught me in real practical terms that it is up to me how much beauty and joy I let into my life.

A year of finding strength, independence and clarity!

 

What did you experience in 2013?

 

Much love and a beautiful Sunday!

 

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