A year ago, my man and I split up, after 17 rocky and beautiful and challenging years.
In an attempt to not feel sorry for myself, read trashy novels and eat lots of chocolate (as I like to do), I went on a health trip. No sugar, white flour and alcohol. Instead lots of yoga and sitting on the couch letting things come up.
It wasn’t pleasant, but I had these moments of feeling intensely alive. Like after blowing up the prison. Scarily open and free. No more excuses. Up to me where to go to now…
I went into creating an online business, and a dream.
It was a dream of total freedom. Financially, emotionally, mentally, and the freedom from having to live in a specific place. I started down that road by investing quite a bit of money in myself. It was pretty scary, but also brought an exhilarating feeling of 'hell, yeah!'
Feeling intensely alive. Also feeling like I do have plenty of good stuff to offer, beyond one-on-one healing sessions.
I worked with a coach and did workshops and courses. I learned how to build websites and do teleseminarsand set up paypal and ask for Joint Ventures.
And I wrote and sold a 5 week long online workshop. It was so cool, and it started me on the path to having a location independent business.
I fell into and out of love in the course of a few weeks, a real whirlwind affair that left me slightly breathless and with lots of new poems.
I did occasionally feel sorry for myself. I also occasionally read (and enjoyed!) trashy novels.
I started taking Sundays off.
And my daughter and I went to Paris (twice). The second time we went (beginning of December), I stopped being healthy and ate plenty of pain au chocolat instead :-).
Today, I withdrew a bit from the family, and looked at the last year. What happened, what I learned, what I am grateful for.
The questions I used to do that come from Leonie Dawsons' beautiful Life and Biz Workbooks. It is a good way to bring closure to the passing year.
The first of January 2014 will start with a new moon. This is a rare occasion, and a great opportunity for new beginnings.
Time to be thankful and let go!
Lessons learned in 2013:
It is up to me and me alone to decide what I want, communicate it and make it happen. No point and no need to wait for permission or acceptance. I have to be the one who is clear.
It is also up to me to make the lifestyle I desire happen. If I want money, I have to earn it. It is my right to earn money, to be successful, to have my own business that I love. There is no need to play small so others feel comfortable around me.
I have a right to be supported in who I am and what I am here to do by those closest to me. If they don’t want to do that, they have no place in my inner circle.
I am a strong, courageous, beautiful and responsible woman. I have a greater purpose. i can be of value and service to many people.
I do not settle anymore!
I can go through difficult times without going into self-pity. It is my first responsibility to look after myself well.
Dreams that came true:
I now have my own online business. I have created an online workshop, and I am well on my way to earning money independently from a specific location.
Eva and I stood on the Eiffel Tower!
I have signed up for the Academy.
I feel good about myself.
I know myself now more because:
I went through tough times without ‘looking away’.
I finally got my head out of the sand.
I gave up on needing to be loved by somebody who can’t.
I was transformed this year by:
The end of a 17-year long relationship.
Sitting with and looking at who I am, what I feel, and what I am going to do.
I am proud of myself for:
Looking well after Eva.
Looking well after myself.
Releasing patterns that I had dragged around for many years.
Knowing who I am and where I am going.
Realizing that it is up to me to make my dream happen!
No more settling.
Thank you 2013!
You taught me in real practical terms that it is up to me how much beauty and joy I let into my life.
A year of finding strength, independence and clarity!
What did you experience in 2013?
Much love and a beautiful Sunday!