What do you do when you feel like Lucy looks in this pic?
Sad? Down? Exhausted? Like hiding from the world?
I used to do ‘something nice’. Often this meant taking time off. Treating myself in some way. Or watching endless hours of Netflix.
This had a similar effect as a sedative. I felt vaguely better while doing it. Mainly, I felt numb. The pain was removed. I was zonked out…
When I switched the light off at night I had big plans for the next day.
I would tackle this shit!
I would get out of this hole!
I would turn my life around, totally, and feel on top of things.
And in control.
And look fabulous in the process!
Then I woke the next day and the same pattern continued…
Of course, these ‘bad’ days didn’t last forever. I would ultimately get to the point where I had more energy again, where I stopped scrolling through Instagram, and instead did some actual work. Things would flow along smoothly for a while.
Until the morning I felt the dreaded heaviness again, ignored what I had planned and got sucked back into the big numb.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because today is that day that would have started me on the downward spiral not too long ago.
I could feel it on waking up. The blah feeling. Slighly depressed. Slightly down. Tired.
Plus, it’s a Saturday. Plus, there is some difficult stuff going on in my family. I have ‘good’ reasons for feeling this way…
For a second there (ok ok , for a minute), I considered ‘giving in’. It was SO tempting!
And would have been so easy.
But then I remembered that I committed to showing up, every day, no matter what.
And so I sit here and try to use what is happening as fuel.
It was slow going in the beginning, but 30 minutes and 300 words after sitting down I feel So. Much. Better. already.
To get out of a cycle that would have consumed the next 5 days of my life, if I would have let it run it’s course.
That would have meant that I wouldn’t have exercised either, because why bother.
It would have probably meant that I would have stopped eating well.
AND it would have meant that by the time my mood lifts I would have slid down quite a long way on this mountain I have been climbing forever…
No wonder that I never got to see the views from the top. Never discovered that, yes, there are other terrains I can see from here that look really interesting!
Never realised that while it might be a law of nature that everything has cycles, I don’t have to give in to them.
I don’t need to dive deep into the WHY of feeling this way.
I don’t need to accept it.
Instead all it takes to turn the tide (to mix my metaphors a bit) are 30 minutes of sitting my ass in the chair and doing what I said I would do. Even though its Saturday and cold and grey outside. Even though I am currently sad.
As a disclaimer, I am not saying that this applies if you’re truly depressed. But it definitely works with the normal waxing and waning of emotions.
Doing the work you know you’re meant to do, even if you don’t feel like it, WILL snap you out of your funk.
Who is this person you would like to become?
What are her daily actions?