How to get off the downward spiral

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What do you do when you feel like Lucy looks in this pic?

Sad? Down? Exhausted? Like hiding from the world?

I used to do ‘something nice’. Often this meant taking time off. Treating myself in some way. Or watching endless hours of Netflix.

This had a similar effect as a sedative. I felt vaguely better while doing it. Mainly, I felt numb. The pain was removed. I was zonked out…

When I switched the light off at night I had big plans for the next day.

I would tackle this shit!

I would get out of this hole!

I would turn my life around, totally, and feel on top of things.

And in control.

And look fabulous in the process!

Then I woke the next day and the same pattern continued… 

Of course, these ‘bad’ days didn’t last forever. I would ultimately get to the point where I had more energy again, where I stopped scrolling through Instagram, and instead did some actual work. Things would flow along smoothly for a while.

Until the morning I felt the dreaded heaviness again, ignored what I had planned and got sucked back into the big numb.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because today is that day that would have started me on the downward spiral not too long ago. 

I could feel it on waking up. The blah feeling. Slighly depressed. Slightly down. Tired. 

Plus, it’s a Saturday. Plus, there is some difficult stuff going on in my family. I have ‘good’ reasons for feeling this way…

For a second there (ok ok , for a minute), I considered ‘giving in’. It was SO tempting! 

And would have been so easy.

But then I remembered that I committed to showing up, every day, no matter what. 

And so I sit here and try to use what is happening as fuel. 

It was slow going in the beginning, but 30 minutes and 300 words after sitting down I feel So. Much. Better. already. 

30 minutes!!! 

To get out of a cycle that would have consumed the next 5 days of my life, if I would have let it run it’s course.

That would have meant that I wouldn’t have exercised either, because why bother.

It would have probably meant that I would have stopped eating well. 

AND it would have meant that by the time my mood lifts I would have slid down quite a long way on this mountain I have been climbing forever…

No wonder that I never got to see the views from the top. Never discovered that, yes, there are other terrains I can see from here that look really interesting!

Never realised that while it might be a law of nature that everything has cycles, I don’t have to give in to them. 

I don’t need to dive deep into the WHY of feeling this way.

I don’t need to accept it. 

Instead all it takes to turn the tide (to mix my metaphors a bit) are 30 minutes of sitting my ass in the chair and doing what I said I would do. Even though its Saturday and cold and grey outside. Even though I am currently sad.

As a disclaimer, I am not saying that this applies if you’re truly depressed. But it definitely works with the normal waxing and waning of emotions.

Doing the work you know you’re meant to do, even if you don’t feel like it, WILL snap you out of your funk.

Who is this person you would like to become?

What are her daily actions?

Do them now, no matter what, and you will BE her in no time!


Doing what matters, daily

doing what matters

Here I am, in the dark, at quarter to 6 in the morning. Keeping my promise to write first thing, daily. Proud of myself despite the yawning.

Today’s message - How to show up

Of course you know how to do that. Everybody does, if they’re honest with themselves. But we don’t always do. It’s painful. It takes follow through. 

What really, really helps is to make showing up a non-negotiable. 

Meaning you just do it. 

You’ve decided that this is what it will take, for you. So you show up without questioning it every time. 

Takes a lot less energy this way…

I imagine going to a job is like this. You know you’ve gotta do it, so you do. No matter how you feel, no matter if it’s dark outside, or you’re tired, or it’s raining. 

You just do. 

Being there for your own dream can be the same. 

There is a lot of beauty in discipline. Although this is often an acquired taste, one whose value is seen only later in life. 

At least it was like this for me. There are some areas I have always been disciplined in:

Brushing my teeth, walking the dogs, keeping my place beautiful. 

Showing up as a mom. 

And now, finally, writing. 

Sitting my ass in the chair and putting my fingers on the keys and letting it flow. If it does flow. And if nothing flows then too. 


Because I am dedicated to what can be born through me. Leaving a legacy. Doing something that lasts longer than I do. Honing and shaping my craft, to allow the art to flow. 

Something in me knows that this is a worthwhile pursuit. And so here I sit.

I trust that, over time, it will get easier. Flow better. The sentences more elegant, the writing more fluid, the right words presenting themselves more eagerly.

And of course, that the channels unblock, and that the downloads I will get when I keep showing up for them are something that inspires, uplifts, heals, enlightens, brings comfort and truth and joy and hope. 

That I bring through great truths, and that ‘my’ people, the ones whose questions the message answers, the ones who called it forth, will find it and will read it and will love it. 

Will look forward to it, daily. 

Will use my words to change their own life. Use my own tenacity as a guiding light to what they themselves can also do.

Change their life, take charge, do the things they up ‘til now only occasionally dreamed of. Let their own message out. Sing their own song. Start becoming the realized version of all that they can be. 

How about you?

What is it you could show up for? What is shining through? Which gifts are there to be set free within? Why did you come?

What is your message?

What is your Calling?

You know already, and I guess you know the way there, too. Showing up for it. Making it a non-negotiable. Using discipline and trust and dedication. 

Do it, it is so SO worth it, even if nobody else ever sees or acknowledges or reads it. Your art WANTS to be born. 

And it wants to be born through you. 

This is why you came my love. 

And this is all you have to do to feel fulfilled. 


The 5 steps of deliberate creation

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Look around you!

Really, look!

Anything you see, any plant, any animal, the sun, the earth, the moon, they all FIT. It’s all figured out, it all flows, it all functions, it all WORKS!

So why are we humans so often so confused?

So serious

So tense

So lost and so lonely and so without what we long for?

It’s not necessary darling.

You don’t have to fight, to suffer, to pay for who you are, and what you desire.

Get clear, turn within, and do what you came here to do:

Consciously, Deliberately Create!

Yes you fucking can!

It’s your purpose, its your calling, its your super power!

You get there first on the inside

- and then the world shifts around you and re-arranges itself!

Stop asking yourself how to get from here to there. In doing so, you keep on reaffirming that you are not there yet.

And then, guess what, you’re not there yet!

There is a place for strategies, and there definitely is a place for action, but you’ve gotta jump FIRST!

Be this person NOW.

The one who is on purpose. Who is confident. Who knows her way.

And please don’t ask again and again and again for the same things.

Every time you do, you make it clear to yourself that you’re not there yet, that there is a gap between you and where you want to go.

This gap doesn’t exist unless you put it there.

Like everything else in creation, all you have to do to find your place is to trust in your own inherently perfect nature.

And then act from there!

If you would like a more structured approach, here is a video going step-by-step into what to do to bring in what you want:


Here is the link i speak about in the video

Sending you love


Follow your excitement

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‘You can’t create the new while giving your power away to the old.’

Hey sweets

Would you like to know how to get out of feeling stuck, blah, uninspired, bored?

By trusting, blindly, totally, in what excites you!

Excitement is your guiding light. 

Your North star. 

It leads you away from the familiar, and allows you to set sail and leave the safety of the shore behind. 

Your excitement is THE WAY! 


Because you only get truly excited by something that belongs to who you truly are! 

When something excites you, it cuts straight through the ‘been there, done that, have the t-shirt’ attitude to life.

There is a tremendous surge of energy when you release this kind of stale, blah vibe. 

It feels fresh. It feels invigorating. It feels, EXCITING! 

You have broken your attachment to who you thought you are.

And the way forward is wide open, and powerfully fresh and new! 

So, all you have to do to get out of any funk, any 'I don't know what to do', any 'What's my purpose?', any 'I'm so stuck!'. is to find something, ANYTHING, that excites you even a little bit. 

No matter what it is. 

And then you do it.

And when the charge has left, you find the next exciting thing. 

Excitement is like breadcrumbs on the path to your destiny. Find it, follow it, soak it up. 

Allow it to lift your vibration, and to remind you of who you truly are!

Anything that excites you, no matter how small, is directly connected to your bigger purpose. 

You can absolutely trust it!

Which gives you such an easy compass, no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing. 

Find and follow your excitement and you're good, always!

What totally excites me right now is the ALCHEMIST’S Adventure!


I just finished all the content, and it’s the most powerful program I have ever created!

As the tag line says, it will guide you to ‘Trust your Calling, remember your Power, and get paid for being YOU!

Before you came here, you had a dream. A vision of what you would do, a powerful desire that drove you to incarnate yet again. 

Yes, it has been buried over the course of your years on this planet. And yet, even from beneath all the conventions, the fitting in, the being well behaved and hard working and just fucking realistic, you can still feel it’s call. 

You came here as a deliberate creator of WHATEVER it is that takes your fancy. 

You are God incarnate. 

And a part of you still knows that. 

By going through the Alchemist’s Adventure, you will re-connect to this version of yourself. 

The one that KNOWS who you are. 

That has no doubt about your abilities. 

That is confident and certain and doesn’t ask for permission. 

That knows that you, just like any other being in nature, is meant to thrive and be supported just for being YOU! 

That knows how magnetic you become when you trust in yourself and your Calling.

That is very clear on how reality creation works, and that does so deliberately.

Stepping into your full power is totally simple, but it’s not always easy. 

It takes releasing pre-conceived notions about who you are, and how life works. 

It takes daily connecting to your higher self, allowing guidance in, and then following this guidance. 

It takes letting go of the old, to experience the new. 

It takes creating new habits and doing the work.

And it takes seeing yourself in a different, empowered, magnificent light!

Which is why the Alchemist’s Adventure is a 40-day long process, leading you one step at a time to FREEDOM.

I am so convinced that this stuff works, and that everybody should know this, that I would love to give it all away for free. But my daughter wants to buy clothes. I want to travel. And Lucy wants to EAT! 

So I won't.

But come along anyway!

Lots of love


Perfect as you are!

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What if you were perfect, exactly as you are?

Have you ever asked yourself this question?

I do believe that you come into this body with a specific idea of what you want to do. A mission. A vision. A calling.

Wouldn’t it make sense then that you also come equipped with all you need to make this happen?

I know this is true, when I look at nature. Every little critter is perfect. Well adapted to where it lives, functioning perfectly and in very interesting ways, filled with flair and beauty. 

Why should it be any different for us humans?

For arguments sake, let’s assume that you came in perfectly prepared, and all you really need to do to bring your gifts out is to ‘do you’. 

But instead of a free flowing unfolding of who you are, we get born into families with pre-existing structures. With belief systems. With ideas about ‘the right way’. With fears and uncertainties and plans and wishes and goals for this child/you. 

These ideas quite possibly don’t align with who you are.

And you’re vulnerable as a baby. Can’t do much for yourself to survive. You need help and feeding and a ton of other stuff. 

In short, you are dependant.

And because of that it is really, really important that your parents love you. So you’re ‘good’. You adept. You learn how to behave by modeling them. And through all of that, you forget. 

Who you are

Why you came

As a smallish child you can often still remember. But then you have to go to kindergarten. There are rules and, yet again, ideas of how you should behave. There are other children with their own agenda. There are tired moms and overworked dads. 

And there is you, expected to cooperate, to be easy, to fit in. 

Through that, you lose more and more the connection to why you TRULY came, to your Calling.

You can’t clearly find your knowledge and wisdom and purpose any longer.  And you begin feeling lost. 

Over the years, this feeling of being lost, not quite right and not quite whole keeps on bugging you, and you decide that there is something wrong with you. 

That you have to adept. 

That you have to fix yourself.

And so you try. And you feel self conscious and unsure and not good enough and like you’re living in the wrong film….

But what if you would be perfect, exactly as you are?

Or maybe, even better:

What if who you were coming in was perfect for all you came here to do?

Who were you?

What did you like as a child?

Especially the things that didn’t fit in, the ones you tried to train yourself out of?

When I asked myself this question, here are some of the things I came up with:

1. I knew, from a very young age, that I was SUPPOSED to do as I please. That this was my birthright. My destiny! I was around 3 when I created my first song and lyrics:

Ich bin das schönste Kind der Welt, und mach was mir gefällt.

(I am the most beautiful child in the world and do whatever I want.)

2. I needed (and still need) SO MUCH alone time. I remember hiding in trees, with my book, hoping the kids that came over to play wouldn’t find me and would leave again. I also remember being discovered on several occasion, and being asked to come down and play. I did so thinking: ‘It’s ok, I can be myself again tomorrow…’

3. I used to get in trouble so much because I constantly tried to ‘save’ little animals. Coming too late to school ‘cause there were so many earthworms on the pavement after a rainy night that I had to get back to safety.

And if it didn’t rain, there were bees and flies and ladybirds that had fallen into a pond in our neighbourhood and needed rescuing.

4. I read obsessively as a child, using it to hide from the world and it’s demands. Still do if I’m in close proximity with other people for a long time. 

These are just some of the things I did that I thought of as ‘odd’ and that I was convinced needed to be fixed for me to be normal and ok. 

I have written them down to give you an idea of what to look for, and to help you to start making your own list. 

Want to play along?

Then write down what you used to repeatedly do as a child.

Once you have your list, let’s work with it. 

I would like you to assume now that all of these things you wrote down are signposts.

Pointers. Important skills and behaviours you need to fulfill your calling. 

Perfect for who you are. 

Looking at them in this way, what would they tell you about who you are?

Again, I go first to make it easier:

1. Yes, I am meant to do as I please! This is something I can now openly embrace. I still occasionally feel a bit odd or princessy about it, but it’s not a very strong feeling anymore. 

I know that I am a leader, that I came to change things, that I am here to teach and inspire people to realize their own power in creating a life they love, and I can’t do any of this if I don’t do as I please and instead try to conform.

2. The alone time thing is also still very true, and by now I understand why. I am an empath. I read energies. I pick up other people’s thoughts, moods and problems. Being in crowded places is very exhausting for me. Also, to access my connection to my soul I need space and a clear, calm energy. This is much easier to do when I’m alone.

3. I still help animals, but now I also give money to homeless people, beggars and busker, and try to shop organic and ethically produced things. All this comes from a sense of responsibility towards the ones in trouble, be it a being or a planet. I guess this is a very good thing to have for a leader…

4. The reading part took a while to figure out. What was exceptional about escaping into different realities?

Face slap, aha moment:

Of course! I trained myself from a young age to not see the seeming ‘reality’ most people believe in as the only one. Later it was an easy step to acknowledge that I can consciously create how my reality shows up, and to then teach that to others.

To sum that up:

I am meant to be a leader, an empath and a teacher of conscious reality creation.

Which sounds just about right :).

How about you, what are you meant to be and do?


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